#170 Noticing as data: Love, Fear, Curiosity and Judgment in supervision

Last Friday, 6th March, around sixty coaching supervisors gathered in London for what was modestly billed as an ‘in-person’ EMCC UK event with Robin and Joan Shohet. In truth, it could easily have been called a supervision symposium. But the low-key framing was simply perfect. It created a space for connection, renewal and replenishment - exactly what many of us needed.

Among the many gifts from the session, one learning in particular has stayed with me: the invitation to notice love, fear, curiosity and judgment, and to treat them as data.

Noticing what’s happening for us

Robin and Joan reminded us that when we surface what is happening inside ourselves, we gain access to a rich source of information. Rather than being distractions from the work of supervision, these inner shifts are the work. They are signals, clues and sometimes mirrors.

This is where parallel process comes alive. If a supervisee evokes fear, love, judgment or curiosity in us, it may be because they are experiencing something similar. And if we deliberately shift our noticing - say, from judgment to curiosity - we may influence the supervisee through the same parallel process.

The key is not to reject what arises. The moment we push away a feeling, we lose access to its wisdom.

An example from practice

Imagine listening to a supervisee describe a difficult client scenario. As they speak, you suddenly feel a wave of fear. You’re not entirely sure why.

• Is it empathy with the supervisee?

• Concern for the client system?

• Your own fear being activated by the scenario?

In that moment, you have choices.

You could override the fear and force yourself into a different stance - curiosity, for example. Many of us have been trained to do exactly that.

Or you could lean into the fear and bring it into the space: ‘When you talk about this scenario, I notice I’m feeling fearful.’

That simple act of naming can open a deeper layer of reflection. It may be that the supervisee is feeling fearful, too. Or that fear is present in the wider system. Or that fear is the very thing the client is unable to articulate.

By staying with the feeling rather than rejecting it, you allow it to be accessed as a learning opportunity.

Parallel process as a source of insight

This is the beauty of parallel process: what arises in us is not incidental. It is often a live echo of what is happening for the supervisee or their client. When we share our noticing, we invite the supervisee into a deeper exploration of their own experience.

Rejecting the feeling closes it down. Staying with it opens the door.

A quiet, powerful reminder

The session with Robin and Joan was a reminder that supervision is not just about techniques or frameworks. It is about presence. It is about noticing. It is about allowing ourselves to be impacted and using that impact in service of the supervisory work.

Love, fear, curiosity and judgment are not obstacles to supervision. They are data. They are invitations. They are pathways into deeper understanding.

Sixty supervisors gathered in a room to explore these ideas together, and something quietly powerful happened. We remembered why this work matters. We remembered that supervision is, at its heart, a relational practice. And we left feeling just a little more human, a little more connected and a little more alive.