#140 The Art of Presence: Coaching Between Containment and Showboating
Why Coaches Fail
This is the second in a series of 12 posts about why coaches fail. Being a great coach is about getting the balance just right between not enough and too much, the so-called Goldilocks Effect.
Coaches might underplay or overplay certain behaviours and derail the chances of successfully helping their clients reach their goals. Great coaches manage to strike a balance between these extremes and get it just right.
Today, I’ll explore presence and show why attuning your presence is critical to connect with your coachee, and how to cultivate it for yourself.
The Art of Presence: Coaching Between Containment and Showboating
Presence is the heartbeat of coaching. When a coach is too contained - emotionally guarded, overly restrained, or preoccupied with ‘getting it right’ - they risk missing the richness of what’s unfolding. Subtle cues in tone, gesture, or pacing go unnoticed. The coachee may feel heard but not felt or fully seen. This kind of coaching can feel flat, as if the coach is watching from behind glass rather than stepping into the moment with curiosity.
At the other extreme, some coaches overplay their presence. They become the star of the session: dramatic, performative, and overly expressive. Their energy may dominate the space, crowding out the coachee’s voice. While it might feel dynamic, it’s often more about the coach’s need to be in control than the coachee’s need to be understood. Listening becomes selective, and the coaching loses its relational connection.
The sweet spot is what I call ‘attuned presence’. When a coach is fully present - emotionally available, curious, and responsive - they ‘dance in this moment’ (Kimsey-House, et al. Co-Active Coaching) with the coachee. They notice not just what is said, but how it’s said. They respond with nuance, allowing silence, emotion and insight to emerge organically. This kind of presence invites depth, trust and transformation. It’s not about being invisible or dazzled by your fabulousness. Rather, it’s about being with.
Three Tips to Cultivate Attuned Presence:
Practice deep listening: tune into tone, rhythm, and emotion, not just words.
Regulate your energy: notice when your presence is expanding or contracting and adjust to meet the coachee’s needs.
Embrace the moment: Let go of techniques. Trust the process. Be willing to be surprised. Take it to supervision.
Presence isn’t performance, it’s connection. And when it’s attuned, it becomes transformational.
Visit https://www.growthecoach.com/free-resources to download an at-a-glance summary of all the coaching derailers.
